Chicago, Illinois
Pauline Kochanski + Heather Lindahl
Photography + Performance

I always wanted a more regular name though now I am comfortable with the name Pauline. I was named for my maternal grandmother. My name is Pauline and I am a photographer. My photographs are of my friend Heather Lindahl, a dancer and performance artist. Heather & I have collaborated on a number of projects where I photograph her practicing ideas for a performance.

Once, when I was a kid (I can't remember how old- 14ish) my friends and I were bored and decided to look up our names in the dictionary. Cadence was first- "rhythm or flow" was all it said (it was a really crappy dictionary). I thought that was so poetic. It almost made me see her differently, like the allegory for life-force in the universe that her parents clearly saw her as. How cool. Dia scored big time: "Goddess Of The Sun"... What more can I say. Already tan and gorgeous after her spring break in Florida, Dia seemed to glow just a little bit more.
Eager to discover something new about my own name, a nuance maybe, something cryptic and magic-8-ball-like, I looked up the word Heather in the crappy pocket dictionary from Cadence's back pack. I must have looked crest fallen when I read the words "short purple shrub" because suddenly the mood changed a little. Dia and Cadence were really nice.
"that's kind of pretty"
"I'll bet no one else would ever look up our names"
It was like we just took off the plastic surgery bandages and they didn't want me to feel badly about something that could never be reversed.
My favorite name had always been Isabella. That would have been the ideal name. I fantasized for a moment... People would call me Bella for short, and then we'd look up our names in the dictionary and it would say said "Beautiful" and then everyone would look at me in such a way that my inner beauty would shine forth, boys would like me... I quickly snapped out of it. I was not "beautiful". I was "short purple shrub". The words were blunt, like a brick-bat.
It also said something about my parents' judgement. I was not happy with them. I went home and confronted them (with the brick-bat of my name definition).
"Why did you have to name me 'short purple shrub'?" I demanded.
"We thought it was pretty and unique. We both always loved the name Heather" said my mom.
"Unique? I have never been in a class that didn't have at least one other Heather in it."
"Well it was unique in 1973. I guess everyone had the same unique idea at the same time... It's a great name!" she defended, "Your sister was almost Heather, we always loved it"
"So why did she wind up Melanie?"
"Well we knew this girl in high school named Heather and she was awful! kind of sleazy really, we just couldn't stand her -"
(at this point she realized her misstep.)
"- and at the time it was still recent enough that we couldn't let go of the association to her with that name. It was silly of us we were young and immature but by the time we had you we were older and much MUCH wiser -"
(I was fascinated by how quickly she backpeddled on this one.)
"- and able to appreciate the beauty of the name Heather with out that childish association to someone we would NEVER EVER see again-"
(she was clearly trying hard at this point.)
"-I think she may have moved to CANADA or something. She is ancient history. But what a wonderful name! She was not worthy of it. YOU are! You are a beautiful girl with a beautiful name!" I couldn't watch her squirm any longer.
"Ok mom. It's ok." End of conversation.
I resolved it for myself by telling everyone what a huge Simon and Garfunkle fan my mom had always been (this was true) and that she loved the song Scarborough Fair (also true) and that she named me after the part "...and gather it all in a bunch of Heather... She once was a true love of mine" (NOT true).
I still have not seen the movie "Heathers" and I still idolize Isabella Rossalini. But now that I am a mother myself, I spend a lot of time in playgrounds listening to other moms call out "Isabella! Come over here Bell" The name Isabella is everywhere now, it's the new Heather.